How to Set Boundaries at Christmas
Christmas Day and the holidays can be a joyous time, but it is also tricky if your idea of Christmas differs from others within your family or social world.
In this blog, I've set out practical examples of what to say when you come up against a situation where you want to do something differently or speak up for what you want. Of course, you can adapt the language to what is comfortable for you.
1. Family Obligations and Expectations
Situation: Your family expects you to attend Christmas Day or other gatherings, but you want to spend time elsewhere or limit your commitments.
What to say:
I really appreciate the invitation, but this year we're choosing to stay home and have a quieter Christmas. I hope you understand."
"I won't be able to attend (that event) this year, but I'd love to join for the Christmas Eve dinner. I'll be thinking of you all for the (other )gatherings."
2. Financial Pressure
Situation: You're expected to buy expensive gifts for everyone, but you're trying to stay within a budget.
What to say:
"This year, I'm focusing on more meaningful, personal gifts rather than spending a lot of money. I'd love to do a handmade or thoughtful gift exchange instead of the usual expensive gifts."
"We've set a budget for the holidays this year, so I won't be able to participate in the big gift exchange. I'm happy to join in another way, like bringing a dish or playing games!"
3. Overcommitment
Situation: You feel overwhelmed by the number of events and parties but don't want to let others down.
What to say:
"I'm feeling a bit stretched this holiday season, so I'm going to keep things low-key. I won't be able to make it to the party, but I hope you have an amazing time!"
"I want to enjoy the holidays without overdoing it, so I'm limiting my commitments this year. I'm so grateful for the invite, and maybe we can catch up another time."
"We're planning some quiet family time on Christmas Day, so we won't be able to attend the evening gathering. Let's catch up after the holidays!"
4. Difficult Relationships
Situation: Due to past conflicts, you're uncomfortable spending time with certain family members.
What to say:
"I've decided to keep my interactions low this year, so I'll be stopping by for a short visit but won't stay the whole time."*
"For my own well-being, I will pass on spending time with certain relatives this year. It's a tough decision, but it's what I need right now."*
5. Children's Expectations
Situation: You want to simplify the holiday, but your children have big expectations for gifts and activities.
What to say:
"We're going to focus on spending time together this year instead of a lot of presents. Let's talk about a few special things you'd like, and we'll make the holiday fun in other ways."
"We're not doing as many outings or events this year so we can spend more quality time together. We'll still make it a memorable holiday, just a little different."
In summary
In all of these examples, the key is to be honest and clear about your needs while also showing appreciation for the other person's feelings. Setting boundaries with kindness and confidence helps reduce the chances of misunderstanding or conflict.
If you struggle to deal with boundaries, perhaps lack the confidence or just don't know how to stand up for yourself, then try my Mastering Boundaries Course.